Saturday, October 11, 2008

It's One of Those Days...

This forced separation from El Capitán has never been easy for me, but I've come a long way from that lost and shattered girl I was two years ago. I found my way, made a decent home for La Hija, and fought my way through the depths of a depression I was never sure would lift. Much of that has been due to the fact that I've managed to find a way to spend time in El Salvador 5 times over these two years. We have both worked hard to keep our family together, and neither of us would have ever guessed what we'd imagined would take a mere 6 months would take 4 times that.

Every once in a while, it gets very difficult. The reality of the situation grips me, and then I look at La Hija and of course I see him. She has somehow managed to take equally from the two of us: darker than me and lighter than he, my lips with his smile... She reminds me so much of her daddy, and she asks for him often. They talk daily and she covets a picture of the two of them together.

Every once in a while I look at her and I wonder how my mom dealt with being a single parent, especially since she didn't have the luxury of picking up the phone to call her husband when the going got tough. I have to remind myself that no matter how difficult this situation is for me, my mother was widowed at my age and I am merely in limbo.

It's times like these, when the lonliness stings and El Capitán's physical absence weighs heavily on my heart, that I need to remember to count my blessings.

6 comments:

lordvyle said...

Just found this journal...thanks for the invite.

aighmeigh said...

My pleasure! Thanks for stopping by!! :)

Kathleen said...

I can sympathize with you there. O and were married three years before I was able to move. Not fun, but it made a stronger commitment. It's one of those things that can make or break a relationship. I'm glad yours is making it!

Kristen said...

Hearts to you my love!

Kristen said...

Hearts to you. You'll get through it, swear. :)

aighmeigh said...

Kathleen, thank you! I feel very fortunate that we've made it this far and knew that this was a make-it-or-break-it situation from the start. I agree: it is by no means fun, nor is it even remotely easy, but well worth it in the end! I'm very glad to know that there are people out there who made it through this situation successfully!

Kristen: thanks cuz. Love you muchly. I hope you're around during the holidays coz I'd really like to spend some time with you before I head off--and I'm sure La Hija would love to see you again too. You'll be shocked at how big she is now!