Saturday, December 27, 2008

Just a couple days left!

So we've made it through the holidays and I am not completely nutso yet! This is a good thing.

I still have much to do with regards to packing. Two suitcases are packed and ready to go, but I've got two more to deal with. All the boxes have been mailed, with the exception of the one or two we are mailing with La Hija's new toys. I've got a lot to do but am much more inclined to relax with my family than do anything productive. This will have to change on Monday, as it my last chance to get it all together before our departure in the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday.

I can't promise another post before I leave, so just in case, I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year and I imagine that I will next be posting from El Salvador!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The chaos of holidays

The holidays are always a bit difficult for me... for a lot of people actually. This year is no different. Family drama abounds and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I'm selfish and I want this Christmas to be peaceful and happy. I want my family to give each other the love each member deserves. I want the bickering to stop and for people to... dare I say it... get along!

I know it's a lot to ask. I know everyone goes through their own emotional stuff this time of year, but as I said, I'm being selfish. This is the last actual Christmas I'll spend with my US family for quite some time and I'd like everyone to just get over it, be happy we have each other and have that reflected in respectful and loving behavior!

Of course, this is always much easier said than done.

In other news, I'm still bitter about having to change La Hija's last name. I realize we would have had to do it sooner or later, but the fact that we can't name our daughter what we want to name her is ridiculous.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Updates n stuff...

So I'm here in Michigan, getting ready to depart one week from tomorrow and I'm looking forward leaving more than I can say. I've got a lot to do and so little time to do it in, but I'll do what I can and take care of the rest when I can.

I had a rather (un)pleasant conversation with a *cough* lovely lady at the consulate the other day and she informed me that because we "named [our] daughter wrong" the Salvadoran government thinks that "some other man is her father" so we have to change her last name. I was warned by some of you that it's never as easy as it may seem and that there may be more issues with naming that it first appears and you were right. I've got to do a birth certificate correction and then change her passport, but we'll deal with it when we can. Seriously, I was not at all pleased with the woman I spoke with... she was... not nice.

In other news, it is flippin COLD here.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Bit of business: Done.

So there was one last bit of serious business that needed to be taken care of before our departure for El Salvador: registering La Hija's birth with the Salvadoran consulate to get her birth certificate. Yes, this is certainly something that we could have accomplished in El Salvador, but Mi Amor was under the impression that it would take multiple visits to municipal offices there, whereas all it took (after I finally got copies of Mi Amor's identification papers from El Salvador) was a phone call, a fax, $15 and a letter here.

...and I had to decipher a Spanish form that didn't always make sense, but then again, what government forms do make sense -- regardless of language??

So, soon enough La Hija will be a dual citizen. Then, all we have to do is deal with getting residency papers for me, and that can't be done until I'm there... so, one less thing to worry about.

19 days until El Salvador!

Over the edge

Well, I think it's happened. I think I've officially been overcome by stress.

There's too much to think about and I've got too much to do in the next week. I'm leaving Indiana 1 week from tomorrow.

1 week.

And I am not packed.

And I still have to work.

And I have to sell my car (which is not paid off).

...and pay bills with a rather pitiful savings.
car: $390
insurance: $111
student loans $200
credit cards: $100 (which is paying over the minimum, but the point is to pay them off, right?)

that's a total of $801 a month... and $501 of that is for a car I won't even be driving!!!!!

Seriously folks, I'm stressed.

And let's talk about how clearheaded I absolutely wasn't during the planning of this move:
  • I overbought things that I could have waited on: I'm planning a trip back to the US in the summer!
  • I didn't really think about the fact that it would likely cost just as much to move via shipping boxes down than it would have to hire an international mover, and I'd have less to show for it: lesson learned. Move on.
  • Choosing to move post Christmas was idiotic. Let's think about this: the holidays are typically the most stressful time of year for folks (on multiple levels), and moving is supposed to be one of the most stressful events people can go through in their lives (ranks up there with divorce and having a new child, if I remember correctly). There I go just putting them both right together... and yet, I ask myself why my savings is half of what I wanted it to be before I left... seriously, I'm ridiculous!

I don't want it to sound like I'm not happy and looking forward to this move. I am, more than I can explain... I just wish I didn't let my emotions cloud my thinking so much...

This too shall pass... and it will work out. It always does.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Clinging to my sanity

I guess this is an addendum to my last post, but it's something I think I'll be writing about more often, so I'm giving it it's very own post.

Throughout my years on this earth, I have done many things to help alleviate stress... some more healthy than others. Lately, my outlet of choice has been cooking, and I've been reminded of how much I enjoy it. I haven't done it as much as I'd like over the past two years, because I'm often the only one around to eat it. Lately, I've taken to bringing cartons of food to work for coworkers because I just can't eat the same things over and over again and I enjoy the act of cooking too much to stop.

Before Thanksgiving, I made Blueberry Cranberry Apple Butter for holiday gifts... then I realized I've got some folks in my life with some special dietary needs, so over the weekend I made two versions of some Four Berry Apple Butter (blueberry, cranberry, blackberry and raspberry) for those folks.

Then I made some Chicken and Dumplings for dinner tonight.... oh my YUM!!!! I hadn't had it in forever and it was amazing... good thing too since I've got 4 meals worth of leftovers.

I'm making a pork roast this week since I have one sitting in my freezer.

I've got a ton of other things to make over these next two weeks too... just to get rid of the perishables. I'll likely be bringing some stuff over to my neighbor too. She's on a fixed income and still feeds her grandson (who works but won't buy her any groceries for some reason) on a daily basis, so she can definitely use some extra food now and then.

Muddled, mixed-up me

I've wanted to post something for quite some time and just haven't been able to sit down to do it. Things are hectic, I'm over-emotional, overwhelmed, over stretched and all around ready to move. If there is one thing I've always detested, it's being in limbo. That "In Between" space is so uncomfortable to me... and I've been here for 2 years, but the discomfort is intensifying as of late. Yes, I still belong here... sort of. I'm still working, I've got to finish up my classes and I've got to pack up everything. I've also got some time to spend with my US family over the holidays. That is a good thing, I know. I'm just ready to be with Mi Amor.

I'm tired. I'm tired of single parenting... tired of being alone... tired of living without my mate.... tired of trying to explain to La Hija why she can't see Daddy when she wants to... and really tired of trying to explain to people what life will be like down there before I even get there. People want to know when I'll be coming back for a visit, what my work schedule will be like, how we are going to deal with child care, how we are going to deal with Mi Amor's work schedule... they want answers to all of these things that I don't have answers to yet and dealing with all of these questions is.... emotionally exhausting.

I feel like I have all of these obligations to my family... to spend as much time with them as possible... but I'm spreading myself a bit too thin. This will all be over soon enough and I'll have some time to unwind and relax after I get to El Salvador.......... that is, unless I'm teaching on online class....... oy.

23 days and counting.