Sunday, December 7, 2008

Muddled, mixed-up me

I've wanted to post something for quite some time and just haven't been able to sit down to do it. Things are hectic, I'm over-emotional, overwhelmed, over stretched and all around ready to move. If there is one thing I've always detested, it's being in limbo. That "In Between" space is so uncomfortable to me... and I've been here for 2 years, but the discomfort is intensifying as of late. Yes, I still belong here... sort of. I'm still working, I've got to finish up my classes and I've got to pack up everything. I've also got some time to spend with my US family over the holidays. That is a good thing, I know. I'm just ready to be with Mi Amor.

I'm tired. I'm tired of single parenting... tired of being alone... tired of living without my mate.... tired of trying to explain to La Hija why she can't see Daddy when she wants to... and really tired of trying to explain to people what life will be like down there before I even get there. People want to know when I'll be coming back for a visit, what my work schedule will be like, how we are going to deal with child care, how we are going to deal with Mi Amor's work schedule... they want answers to all of these things that I don't have answers to yet and dealing with all of these questions is.... emotionally exhausting.

I feel like I have all of these obligations to my family... to spend as much time with them as possible... but I'm spreading myself a bit too thin. This will all be over soon enough and I'll have some time to unwind and relax after I get to El Salvador.......... that is, unless I'm teaching on online class....... oy.

23 days and counting.


Kristen said...

I will come visit you! I imagine I will need a lot of sunscreen, no?

aighmeigh said...

yes!! and lots of bug spray too! :)