Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Family on my mind

Boxes. Boxes. Boxes.

They pile up, taking over the room square inch by square inch. Their presence is a tangible reminder of our upcoming journey and a symbol of how this move is taking over my mind.

I find myself wishing I was less excited to leave, more so for the sake of my family members in the U.S. Many of them have made it obvious that they'd like this move to be temporary. They are disappointed when I say I refuse to move down there, uprooting everything, with the "just for a little while" mindset. No matter how many times I say it, someone always asks when we will work on coming back. What would the point of leaving be, if I am going to plan my return before I've even left?

Sometimes I want to scream at them for making this more difficult for me than it already is. I appreciate the input and value their opinions but would prefer their love and support. I have worried about more than they could ever imagine, mentally played out terrifying (and incredibly unlikely) scenarios, and played the "what-if?" game until my nerves screamed with anxiety. I struggle with my need to let go and my hunger for control on a daily basis and have done so my entire life. Moving to a new country, especially when I'm unable to have everything spelled out to me in advance, is difficult enough without having to deal with family members and their fears of the unknown. They mean well and have every right to express what they feel, I just wish they would give me a bit of credit and realize that we've been planning this move for two years. It's a long time coming--it's not something we're just jumping into.

Three months from today I will be living in El Salvador. It's about damn time.

6 comments:

You Know Me said...

It sounds as though you're going with your instincts and doing what you think is best for you, your husband, and your child.

What more can one ask for?

It sounds to me like a grand, enriching adventure.

I wish you the best.

Lizzy said...

Good luck with your move. It is a stressful time and I'm sure it is always a difficult decision, to leave everything behind and take off in a completely different direction.

I have gone through a similar uprooting experience. I am from Honduras, I lived in the US for half my life, and followed my husband to Pakistan in 2006, with our two-year-old daughter in tow.

Despite all the uncertainty, I knew that the most important thing was to be together as a family. It is the right thing to do and I think that as long as you keep that in mind, everything falls into its appropriate place.

Honduras Sprout said...

I can relate to this so much. So much!

aighmeigh said...

Muchísimas gracias to the three of you for your support and your kind words. It's so wonderful to have some extra positivity in my life in this time of uncertainly and stress and I appreciate the time you took to say something :)

glorv1 said...

Good luck in that move in 3 months. That is a big move, from Indiana. What is important is that you will be with your family. Take care.I'll be following your blog as you make your way over there.

aighmeigh said...

Glorv1, thank you :) and I agree, keeping our family together is the most important thing we can do!