Somehow I am finding some sort of comfort these days. The tears are less frequent and, while I still have no clue where we are headed, I know that we will be okay.
Three of us in the family have been having dreams about Mi Amor, and strangely enough, he seems to be wearing the same sort of clothes in everyone's dreams. Last week at some point I had a dream about him (he was wearing a black and white striped shirt)... in my dream he came back and said he was still alive, that it was all a big misunderstanding and that everything was fine and I didn't have to worry. The next day I got an email from Mi Prima saying that her husband woke up the night before and thought he saw Mi Amor, in a black and white striped shirt, walking around by the window outside the house. That same night, Mi Primo had a dream of Mi Amor, wearing the same thing, where he was trying to explain about and describe the people who killed him. I have not had any of those eerily vivid dreams since, and I'm not complaining about that. I woke up so confused that for a second I wanted to try to call him.
I have been regularly talking with a good friend of Mi Amor and Mi Primo. He is such a comfort to me and he makes me laugh. There are so few connections to Mi Amor here, other than our daughter of course, so it is nice to speak with someone (an adult) who knows how I feel and what a good man he was. Plus, I get to practice my Spanish, which is a great thing.
Earlier this week I sent out a couple of packages to Mi Familia. I'd put together some photo albums, mostly of Mi Amor and La Hija, threw in a few framed recent photos of La Hija, and my mom and I embroidered some cloth napkins for them to hang or put on tables or whatever. It feels good to have finally gotten them out.
Two weeks ago I got a new job teaching Lit at a voc. ed. school. It has been a lot of fun so far and it's nice to get back to work. I hope that I will be able to pick up some more classes next quarter and eek out a living between that and subbing. I'm staying with my aunt most of the time and have decided to put La Hija in preschool/day care out here. I've been looking for places so we could live on our own, but it would be a huge struggle to make ends meet, so my aunt has said we can stay as long as we need and want to. Thank God for my supportive family.
There is more I want to talk about, but I need to sort it all out in my head before I write it down here.
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Much on my mind
School is taking up a lot of my time these days. I forgot how much they can pack on the work and, of course, I'm a perfectionist, so assignments take me forever.
We drove down to Indiana this week for an interview at school. Evidently, I have some masochistic students and I am one of the nominees for adjunct instructor of the year. Between the prep work (an essay) I had to do for that, school work, and two days of driving, I was more than exhausted by the end of the week. I am going to try to get some sleep tonight. My stress level is a bit too high at present.
La Hija has been so testy lately. She gets angry and yells, "I miss my Daddy!!"
On one level, I know that she is pushing buttons because she does the same thing with just about everyone (Nuh-nuh, Papa, her aunts and uncles, grandma, grandpa... just about anyone who is not present. Heck, she will even tell me that she misses her mommy--and then she catches herself and laughs), but I also know there is truth to that.
I had hoped we could go back by May, but my aunt is getting married this summer and I need to be there, so it's looking like August now. I can't afford to be flying back and forth, pretending it doesn't cost ridiculous amounts of money.
I miss Mi Amor as well. We talk almost daily, but I miss his hugs. I miss kidding with him and laughing and seeing his smile. I miss watching him with his daughter. I miss helping him with the business.
Speaking of that, things are getting better, very slowly. He is making about half of what he needs to be making in order to support us. He says the economy is even worse there right now--which is something I can't even imagine. It doesn't surprise me though--they are dollarized. Their economy hinges on ours.
I have been thinking so much about starting up a business, but I have no idea how to begin learning about such things. I will need to learn about creating a business plan and all of those basics, and then I would need to figure out how to finance such a venture--even though it would take far less money to pull it off in El Salvador than it would elsewhere.
I'll put it on the list of things to do while I'm here.
We drove down to Indiana this week for an interview at school. Evidently, I have some masochistic students and I am one of the nominees for adjunct instructor of the year. Between the prep work (an essay) I had to do for that, school work, and two days of driving, I was more than exhausted by the end of the week. I am going to try to get some sleep tonight. My stress level is a bit too high at present.
La Hija has been so testy lately. She gets angry and yells, "I miss my Daddy!!"
On one level, I know that she is pushing buttons because she does the same thing with just about everyone (Nuh-nuh, Papa, her aunts and uncles, grandma, grandpa... just about anyone who is not present. Heck, she will even tell me that she misses her mommy--and then she catches herself and laughs), but I also know there is truth to that.
I had hoped we could go back by May, but my aunt is getting married this summer and I need to be there, so it's looking like August now. I can't afford to be flying back and forth, pretending it doesn't cost ridiculous amounts of money.
I miss Mi Amor as well. We talk almost daily, but I miss his hugs. I miss kidding with him and laughing and seeing his smile. I miss watching him with his daughter. I miss helping him with the business.
Speaking of that, things are getting better, very slowly. He is making about half of what he needs to be making in order to support us. He says the economy is even worse there right now--which is something I can't even imagine. It doesn't surprise me though--they are dollarized. Their economy hinges on ours.
I have been thinking so much about starting up a business, but I have no idea how to begin learning about such things. I will need to learn about creating a business plan and all of those basics, and then I would need to figure out how to finance such a venture--even though it would take far less money to pull it off in El Salvador than it would elsewhere.
I'll put it on the list of things to do while I'm here.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Here and There
There are many differences between life in El Salvador and in the US. The differences are most prevalent in with respect to every day household matters. In the US, I was used to lots of storage space, a pretty much all enclosed living space, hot water, and laundromat laundry. Let's just say I was spoiled.
Closets/Storage Space
Most houses in El Salvador don't have closets and have very little, if any, storage space. The house we are in how actually has a rather large closet in the master bedroom, but this is the first house we've been in a with a closet. You either have to go out and buy wardrobes, put all your clothes in a dresser. We bought a bought a nice dresser that is about 4 ft. across, has a mirror, two locking drawers and three long drawers for $130. It was well worth it, and a bargain by American standards, as it is first piece of particle-board-free furniture that I've owned in I don't know how long. Kitchens also seriously lack storage. There are typically no cabinets, cupboards or drawers, so you're left to your own devices for storage there as well. We've solved this problem by using these shallow, stacking, plastic bins... they work well just about everywhere and run about $13 a pop.
(Literally) Open Floor Plans
One thing that I've noticed about almost every house we've lived in or been in here, is that some part of it is open to the elements. Typically, there is a courtyard or patio or small back yard--mostly because you need somewhere to do the wash! Right now, our home is completely open--as in every room opens to the outside and we have a rather large courtyard with a mango tree in the center. It's nice because it provides a decent amount of space, and gives Mi Amor room to work... it does, however, still have its problems.
The courtyard is tiled with outdoor brick-like tiles, and we have a few flower beds, so we're not talking about living around a lot of dirt. You wouldn't know it though! I have to sweep the living areas of our house every morning and mop every other morning, just to keep the place remotely clean. It's still a constant battle. The dirt just finds its way everywhere! It's not as bad as the last house, which somehow attracted this horrible film of black dirt every morning, but still. This constant battle with the elements and dirt is one thing I really have a hard time with. I get frustrated at times because it feels like everything gets dirty just as soon as I clean it.
Hot Water
There is none, unless it's warmed by the sun. This is something I've gotten used to, but I think I'll be investing in a one of these at some point because the water is just too cold in the morning. Mi Amor stresses that it's good for the body, and I'm sure it is. It's just not good for my mind!! All dish and clothes washing done at home is done in cold water, and is leaving my hands rather... rough.
While we are lucky enough to have a separate sink in the kitchen, where we do some of the wash, most of the dishes and all of our hand washed laundry is done in the sink above. On the left is a large water reservoir, which is convenient when the water pressure is nil during the day (which actually hasn't happened for a while). The downside to these reservoirs (there are typically large reservoirs in the shower area too) is that they are breeding grounds for mosquitoes and need to be emptied and cleaned weekly. On the right is a basin where the wash is actually done.
The other problem with no hot water is figuring out how to bathe children.
La Hija is not a fan of the cold water, so I've taken to trying to make it play time for her. The water gets warm from the sun, and it's typically hot enough to make cool water feel more than refreshing. We still haven't gotten to a point where she will let me wash her hair without a fight, though.
Overall, I'm really fine with the differences. I may be bringing back some less harsh dish detergent, however. My hands feel like sandpaper
Closets/Storage Space
Most houses in El Salvador don't have closets and have very little, if any, storage space. The house we are in how actually has a rather large closet in the master bedroom, but this is the first house we've been in a with a closet. You either have to go out and buy wardrobes, put all your clothes in a dresser. We bought a bought a nice dresser that is about 4 ft. across, has a mirror, two locking drawers and three long drawers for $130. It was well worth it, and a bargain by American standards, as it is first piece of particle-board-free furniture that I've owned in I don't know how long. Kitchens also seriously lack storage. There are typically no cabinets, cupboards or drawers, so you're left to your own devices for storage there as well. We've solved this problem by using these shallow, stacking, plastic bins... they work well just about everywhere and run about $13 a pop.
(Literally) Open Floor Plans
One thing that I've noticed about almost every house we've lived in or been in here, is that some part of it is open to the elements. Typically, there is a courtyard or patio or small back yard--mostly because you need somewhere to do the wash! Right now, our home is completely open--as in every room opens to the outside and we have a rather large courtyard with a mango tree in the center. It's nice because it provides a decent amount of space, and gives Mi Amor room to work... it does, however, still have its problems.
The courtyard is tiled with outdoor brick-like tiles, and we have a few flower beds, so we're not talking about living around a lot of dirt. You wouldn't know it though! I have to sweep the living areas of our house every morning and mop every other morning, just to keep the place remotely clean. It's still a constant battle. The dirt just finds its way everywhere! It's not as bad as the last house, which somehow attracted this horrible film of black dirt every morning, but still. This constant battle with the elements and dirt is one thing I really have a hard time with. I get frustrated at times because it feels like everything gets dirty just as soon as I clean it.
Hot Water
There is none, unless it's warmed by the sun. This is something I've gotten used to, but I think I'll be investing in a one of these at some point because the water is just too cold in the morning. Mi Amor stresses that it's good for the body, and I'm sure it is. It's just not good for my mind!! All dish and clothes washing done at home is done in cold water, and is leaving my hands rather... rough.
While we are lucky enough to have a separate sink in the kitchen, where we do some of the wash, most of the dishes and all of our hand washed laundry is done in the sink above. On the left is a large water reservoir, which is convenient when the water pressure is nil during the day (which actually hasn't happened for a while). The downside to these reservoirs (there are typically large reservoirs in the shower area too) is that they are breeding grounds for mosquitoes and need to be emptied and cleaned weekly. On the right is a basin where the wash is actually done.
The other problem with no hot water is figuring out how to bathe children.
La Hija is not a fan of the cold water, so I've taken to trying to make it play time for her. The water gets warm from the sun, and it's typically hot enough to make cool water feel more than refreshing. We still haven't gotten to a point where she will let me wash her hair without a fight, though.
Overall, I'm really fine with the differences. I may be bringing back some less harsh dish detergent, however. My hands feel like sandpaper
Friday, January 16, 2009
Critters
So there's definitely a plethora of insects, birds and other little things hanging out here at the house. We have a family of doves living in our mango tree, a plethora of 1/2-inch ants, a multitude of spiders, half a billion mosquitoes, flies galore, and a handful of lizards living with us. The lizards are by far my favorite.
This little guy lives behind our toilet. He's teeny--just about an inch long--and so fast you'd miss him if you blinked!
This is one of at least four adult lizards we have in the house. One of them lost its tail and it makes me wonder what else we have creeping around he could have scrapped with to lose his behind.
One thing is for sure, for such a tiny creature, they make a lot of noise. I had no clue that reptiles can make little chirping sounds, but these do... and they do so rather loudly!!
Evidently, these guys are native Hondurans who end up hitching rides on plátano shipments.
Finally, this little guy is one that Mi Amor was none too pleased about. He says that back in the day they used to chase you and bite you (even though this one was all of 3 inches long and very definitely afraid of me). He's definitely much more menacing looking than the other guys... if a 3 inch lizard can be menacing.
All in all, the flora and fauna is definitely keeping me entertained.
This little guy lives behind our toilet. He's teeny--just about an inch long--and so fast you'd miss him if you blinked!
This is one of at least four adult lizards we have in the house. One of them lost its tail and it makes me wonder what else we have creeping around he could have scrapped with to lose his behind.
One thing is for sure, for such a tiny creature, they make a lot of noise. I had no clue that reptiles can make little chirping sounds, but these do... and they do so rather loudly!!
Evidently, these guys are native Hondurans who end up hitching rides on plátano shipments.
Finally, this little guy is one that Mi Amor was none too pleased about. He says that back in the day they used to chase you and bite you (even though this one was all of 3 inches long and very definitely afraid of me). He's definitely much more menacing looking than the other guys... if a 3 inch lizard can be menacing.
All in all, the flora and fauna is definitely keeping me entertained.
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