Craziness!

So, after all of that chaos, I ended up having something called Fifth Disease, a harmless (yet uncomfortable) childhood illness which I probably got from subbing. I'd never even heard of it before! I wasn't really sure that it was really what I had until La Hija came down with it the week before her birthday. The rash looked so horrible on her, but it really didn't seem to bother her. It was odd though, because she didn't get the rash until a week after she'd had the fever, while my fever broke and the next day I had the rash. Both of us got over the rash pretty quickly.

Mi Amor got a new job welding on a boat. He is at sea for long periods of time (we're talking months here) so it is extremely hard not talking to him frequently. I've been tossing around the idea of going to El Salvador again sooner rather than later because I am having such a hard time adjusting, but it's something we need to have a talk about. There's so much I'd need to consider.

I've been subbing a lot lately but that work is going to dry up soon so I've been applying for new jobs daily. I'm keeping the faith that something will come along... things always work out.

We had a Chuck E. Cheese b-day party for La Hija and she loved it. It's so amazing to me that she's 3 already. How time flies.

Much on my mind

School is taking up a lot of my time these days. I forgot how much they can pack on the work and, of course, I'm a perfectionist, so assignments take me forever.

We drove down to Indiana this week for an interview at school. Evidently, I have some masochistic students and I am one of the nominees for adjunct instructor of the year. Between the prep work (an essay) I had to do for that, school work, and two days of driving, I was more than exhausted by the end of the week. I am going to try to get some sleep tonight. My stress level is a bit too high at present.

La Hija has been so testy lately. She gets angry and yells, "I miss my Daddy!!"

On one level, I know that she is pushing buttons because she does the same thing with just about everyone (Nuh-nuh, Papa, her aunts and uncles, grandma, grandpa... just about anyone who is not present. Heck, she will even tell me that she misses her mommy--and then she catches herself and laughs), but I also know there is truth to that.

I had hoped we could go back by May, but my aunt is getting married this summer and I need to be there, so it's looking like August now. I can't afford to be flying back and forth, pretending it doesn't cost ridiculous amounts of money.

I miss Mi Amor as well. We talk almost daily, but I miss his hugs. I miss kidding with him and laughing and seeing his smile. I miss watching him with his daughter. I miss helping him with the business.

Speaking of that, things are getting better, very slowly. He is making about half of what he needs to be making in order to support us. He says the economy is even worse there right now--which is something I can't even imagine. It doesn't surprise me though--they are dollarized. Their economy hinges on ours.

I have been thinking so much about starting up a business, but I have no idea how to begin learning about such things. I will need to learn about creating a business plan and all of those basics, and then I would need to figure out how to finance such a venture--even though it would take far less money to pull it off in El Salvador than it would elsewhere.

I'll put it on the list of things to do while I'm here.

Brrrrr!!

Well, we are back in the frigid north... and I am here with very mixed feelings. Certainly, I am happy to be with people I love and who care enough for us in return to take us in during our time of need. I also know this was the best thing for our family. I am, however, seriously lamenting the fact that this had to happen in the first place. I want to be home and La Hija, while very excited to be with her Nuhnuh, keeps saying she wants to go home to El Salvador.

I had to buy some warm clothes yesterday, as I was seriously lacking in that department. I've got a ton of work clothes (definitely a good thing) but not so many items of casual winter clothes. Indiana was not as cold as Michigan.

Mi Amor is in the middle of working a 2 week long festival, and I really hope it is going well. We are hoping this will give him the financial leg up he needs to get ready to relocate, and the relocation will allow us to return much more quickly.

In the meantime, I'm applying for jobs and hope to be able to get out to campus today to get info on when I can start school.

In other news, there is an 80 degree difference between here and El Salvador.

I am cold.

The next major task

We are headed back to the US on Tuesday morning, so I've got a bit of work ahead of me. Mostly, I need to figure out what essentials I need to bring with us so that we can have what we need and still have plenty of room in our suitcases to bring more stuff back with us upon our return. I also have to get boxes together to pack up La Hija's toys so that they don't get too dirty in the coming months.

I've started packing what I know I'll need: my work clothes and shoes, as well as La Hija's long pants and sneakers. I want to bring back as little as possible.

This trip back is so interesting because Mi Amor and I have completely changed roles. Upon prior departures, Mi Amor was always the one in need of reassurance. I was always the one saying, "We'll be back in May... it'll go by fast!" This time around, I'm the one needing to hear that this will only be a short trip home. Mi Amor is confident that we can come back by May, and I truly hope he's right. In the meantime, I'm just going to do whatever I can to bring as many positive things out of this situation as possible. At the very least, I plan to make some money, spend some time with the family, work on getting my teaching license and start formulating a TOEFL curriculum for my return.

Incidentally, the new English school I wrote of previously is very literally new. In fact, they haven't even started hiring teachers yet. I will be sending them a resume in the hopes of having something, even a part-time something, do to if we are still located here upon our return.

We are taking a rather strange flight this time around. We are first flying to Managua, then to the US. There is a mere 30 minutes between when our flight is to land in Managua and when our flight to the US departs, so there is a chance we'll be spending some time there. Gotta love adventures. I'm trying not to worry about what will happen if we are stranded in Nicaragua for a night... we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Buena suerte??

So I was walking to the corner market and what did I see? Signs for a new English language school in town! IN TOWN!! We're going to check them out tomorrow to see if they are hiring and what the pay would be. This isn't going to solve our money problems and prevent me from having to return to the states for a bit, but it could very well make it possible for us to return much more quickly.

Tomorrow we are planning a family day. We may go to the beach or perhaps just roam around--the point being we're getting out to do something other than work or take care of household business. Well... we have to go grocery shopping too, but as long as we do something else besides that, I'll be happy.

We are very low on food and I had no meat to cook for Mi Amor's lunch today, so I used what we had and made some egg salad. Unbeknownst to me, he'd never had it before and is now a huge fan. I was also told that I make better rice than his Tia... and that, my friends, is one of the biggest compliments I've ever gotten!! :)

Sorting it out and other nonsensical ramblings

Things are coming together.

(Again)

Yes, La Hija and I are still returning to the states on a temporary basis, but Mi Amor and I have a time line and some goals we've set out.

We also have a plan B, so we can make sure this is temporary and a few months doesn't turn into another 2 year separation.

We've also decided that I am going to go back to school to get my teaching certification. I can do most of the program online, and when it comes time for me to do my student teaching, La Hija and I will again return to the states for a semester. This will allow me to get a much higher paying teaching job down here than the one I'll have in a few months.

Local governmental elections are tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. Interestingly enough, we had amazing water pressure during the day today, which is very unusual. We decided it was all too convenient that the day before elections we've got water galore.

Mi Amor is going to work in the morning to take advantage of having a bunch of hungry voters around, and we hope to have a little BBQ with his sister and her daughter in the afternoon. Monday he has a new employee starting. Here's hoping this one likes the work and sticks around.

Speaking of employment, the woman who cleaned our house a few weeks ago came back the other day!! I was so excited--both because she does a great job and that makes keeping it all up easier during the week, and because La Hija really enjoys playing with her daughter... not to mention that it gave me a little bit of faith in people taking advantage of the opportunities presented to them. I'm curious if she will come again this week.

Last but not least, I'm still waiting for the mangoes to ripen. I hope I get to taste at least one before I go. We've used some of them already with salt and limón, but I really want a nice, sweet mango!!

Timing... or a lack thereof.

Just a bit over a week ago, if you were to have asked me if I'd be staying in El Salvador I wouldn't have been too sure... mostly because I didn't think I could hang. Over the past week, I've gotten into a good groove though. Mi Amor has been spending a bit more time at home (although still not much), we've had time to joke and laugh, I've taken a serious interest in our business and am helping out, and I've gotten to like the domestic tasks I've taken on throughout the day. I've been keeping myself busy with La Hija and the housework and I've grown quite content here.

Of course, in the irony of all ironies, this happens just at a point when we realize that we are really struggling financially. In the past month or so, a lot has happened with respect to our business and, although it makes enough to feed one mouth and pay the bills, it does not make enough to feed three. I have no objection to working... in fact, I want to work, but that requires relocation and relocation is just not in the cards for us right now. I have some money in savings, but that needs to go toward my bills that don't go away just because I leave the US.

So, after many long, teary and heart wrenching conversations, Mi Amor and I have made the hardest of hard decisions: La Hija and I will be temporarily returning to the US at the end of the month. We are hoping it will only have to be for a few months... just until he can get the business back on track and get things solidified again.

Thank God we have an understanding, supportive family because returning to the states is going to be much harder than it was leaving.

I have more to write, and some pictures too, but that will have to wait until I'm feeling a little less frustrated, disappointed and sad.

Reality sinks in quickly

I’d like to say that my first week and a half in El Salvador has been blissful and without stress… that a return to standardized married life has gone without a hitch… that I am comfortable and integrating seamlessly, but unfortunately that’s just not reality.

Every other time I’ve been here there has been a definite return date. I had the security of two jobs I enjoyed, a reliable car and a tiny, yet comfortable apartment. We had a routine. There was stability and familiarity and I was secure. Now I’ve quit my jobs, moved out of my apartment and have all but sold the car. I have nothing to go back to if this fails, and that terrifies me.

I had my first taste of the reality of family decision making as well. I’d bought a car and Mi Amor was financing a truck. The thought behind two vehicles, beyond giving me some much desired independence, was so I could work. Well, work has been put off for at least a few months because of some upcoming festivals, and we were met with an offer: if we gave back the new truck and sold my car at a profit, we could buy another truck (not new, but in great condition) and only owe $1000… bringing the car payments down $100/mo and owning the truck free and clear in a handful of months. Unfortunately, it made too much economic sense to keep my car, but that decision makes me feel trapped.

It’s crazy though. I mean, where would I go? In all actuality, that car would very likely be sitting there unused, but it was still some security for me.

To say I feel isolated already would be an understatement. I am trying to get going with my Spanish, but the language barrier paired with the fact that the only people I know are family members is already causing a bit of frustration. I have never felt so dependent on someone else and as much as Mi Amor loves me, he doesn’t quite get how difficult that is for me sometimes.

Then there’s the whole problem with the two of us adjusting to coupled life again… remembering to take someone else into consideration when you’re not used to having to do so can be a bit of a bugger too.

My main problem, and I’m guessing at this, is that I had this idea of what an amazing reunion we’d have, and life got in the way. I should have known it would be a struggle from the start… letting go of my life in the US was too easy. It should have been much more stressful. Evidently, the stress is just coming into play now.

On a few positive notes, the business is doing really, really well. I’m enjoying the novelty of water reservoirs, having little to no water pressure during the day, relatively chilly military-style showers and cheap cell phones. The oppressive heat and the mosquitoes, I could handle less of, but that’s another post all together.

La Hija loves having her daddy around as well, but is having some adjustment issues too. She’s over the language thing and is soaking up Spanish like a sponge. She does, however, miss her friends and family very much and asks to see them constantly.

As of right now, I’m taking it one day at a time and trying to be positive. I mean, come on. I’ve only been here for 10 days!!

Just a couple days left!

So we've made it through the holidays and I am not completely nutso yet! This is a good thing.

I still have much to do with regards to packing. Two suitcases are packed and ready to go, but I've got two more to deal with. All the boxes have been mailed, with the exception of the one or two we are mailing with La Hija's new toys. I've got a lot to do but am much more inclined to relax with my family than do anything productive. This will have to change on Monday, as it my last chance to get it all together before our departure in the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday.

I can't promise another post before I leave, so just in case, I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year and I imagine that I will next be posting from El Salvador!!

The chaos of holidays

The holidays are always a bit difficult for me... for a lot of people actually. This year is no different. Family drama abounds and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I'm selfish and I want this Christmas to be peaceful and happy. I want my family to give each other the love each member deserves. I want the bickering to stop and for people to... dare I say it... get along!

I know it's a lot to ask. I know everyone goes through their own emotional stuff this time of year, but as I said, I'm being selfish. This is the last actual Christmas I'll spend with my US family for quite some time and I'd like everyone to just get over it, be happy we have each other and have that reflected in respectful and loving behavior!

Of course, this is always much easier said than done.

In other news, I'm still bitter about having to change La Hija's last name. I realize we would have had to do it sooner or later, but the fact that we can't name our daughter what we want to name her is ridiculous.

Updates n stuff...

So I'm here in Michigan, getting ready to depart one week from tomorrow and I'm looking forward leaving more than I can say. I've got a lot to do and so little time to do it in, but I'll do what I can and take care of the rest when I can.

I had a rather (un)pleasant conversation with a *cough* lovely lady at the consulate the other day and she informed me that because we "named [our] daughter wrong" the Salvadoran government thinks that "some other man is her father" so we have to change her last name. I was warned by some of you that it's never as easy as it may seem and that there may be more issues with naming that it first appears and you were right. I've got to do a birth certificate correction and then change her passport, but we'll deal with it when we can. Seriously, I was not at all pleased with the woman I spoke with... she was... not nice.

In other news, it is flippin COLD here.

Bit of business: Done.

So there was one last bit of serious business that needed to be taken care of before our departure for El Salvador: registering La Hija's birth with the Salvadoran consulate to get her birth certificate. Yes, this is certainly something that we could have accomplished in El Salvador, but Mi Amor was under the impression that it would take multiple visits to municipal offices there, whereas all it took (after I finally got copies of Mi Amor's identification papers from El Salvador) was a phone call, a fax, $15 and a letter here.

...and I had to decipher a Spanish form that didn't always make sense, but then again, what government forms do make sense -- regardless of language??

So, soon enough La Hija will be a dual citizen. Then, all we have to do is deal with getting residency papers for me, and that can't be done until I'm there... so, one less thing to worry about.

19 days until El Salvador!

Over the edge

Well, I think it's happened. I think I've officially been overcome by stress.

There's too much to think about and I've got too much to do in the next week. I'm leaving Indiana 1 week from tomorrow.

1 week.

And I am not packed.

And I still have to work.

And I have to sell my car (which is not paid off).

...and pay bills with a rather pitiful savings.
car: $390
insurance: $111
student loans $200
credit cards: $100 (which is paying over the minimum, but the point is to pay them off, right?)

that's a total of $801 a month... and $501 of that is for a car I won't even be driving!!!!!

Seriously folks, I'm stressed.

And let's talk about how clearheaded I absolutely wasn't during the planning of this move:

• I overbought things that I could have waited on: I'm planning a trip back to the US in the summer!
• I didn't really think about the fact that it would likely cost just as much to move via shipping boxes down than it would have to hire an international mover, and I'd have less to show for it: lesson learned. Move on.
• Choosing to move post Christmas was idiotic. Let's think about this: the holidays are typically the most stressful time of year for folks (on multiple levels), and moving is supposed to be one of the most stressful events people can go through in their lives (ranks up there with divorce and having a new child, if I remember correctly). There I go just putting them both right together... and yet, I ask myself why my savings is half of what I wanted it to be before I left... seriously, I'm ridiculous!

I don't want it to sound like I'm not happy and looking forward to this move. I am, more than I can explain... I just wish I didn't let my emotions cloud my thinking so much...

This too shall pass... and it will work out. It always does.

Muddled, mixed-up me

I've wanted to post something for quite some time and just haven't been able to sit down to do it. Things are hectic, I'm over-emotional, overwhelmed, over stretched and all around ready to move. If there is one thing I've always detested, it's being in limbo. That "In Between" space is so uncomfortable to me... and I've been here for 2 years, but the discomfort is intensifying as of late. Yes, I still belong here... sort of. I'm still working, I've got to finish up my classes and I've got to pack up everything. I've also got some time to spend with my US family over the holidays. That is a good thing, I know. I'm just ready to be with Mi Amor.

I'm tired. I'm tired of single parenting... tired of being alone... tired of living without my mate.... tired of trying to explain to La Hija why she can't see Daddy when she wants to... and really tired of trying to explain to people what life will be like down there before I even get there. People want to know when I'll be coming back for a visit, what my work schedule will be like, how we are going to deal with child care, how we are going to deal with Mi Amor's work schedule... they want answers to all of these things that I don't have answers to yet and dealing with all of these questions is.... emotionally exhausting.

I feel like I have all of these obligations to my family... to spend as much time with them as possible... but I'm spreading myself a bit too thin. This will all be over soon enough and I'll have some time to unwind and relax after I get to El Salvador.......... that is, unless I'm teaching on online class....... oy.

23 days and counting.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So today, beyond giving thanks for my family, friends and a long overdue upcoming move, I am thankful for a responsive congressman.

Before the elections, I wrote to Congressman Brad Ellsworth about supporting free elections in El Salvador.

I actually got a written response and a conversation request from a member of his legislative staff:

Dear [Aighmeigh],

My name is Zach Pfister, and I work on Congressman Ellsworth's legislative staff. We recently received your e-mail regarding free elections in El Salvador, and Congressman Ellsworth has asked me to contact you discuss this issue in greater detail...

Ok, what???

I am seriously excited and seriously thankful and a Congressperson would take the time to do this.

So yes, I'm thankful for a lot of things today. Even though I know there is much tension about the roots of the holiday, this year I just want to be thankful for life and the many blessings I've been given.

Cleaning out the Kitchen

In a quest to utilize what I've got in my cabinets and freezer, I decided to spend the afternoon making Christmas present preserves. Last year I made cranberry apple butter, and it turned out well but was a bit sweet. I found two bags of cranberries and a bag of blueberries in my freezer today, so this year's concoction is blueberry cranberry apple butter. It's got a very nice tartness to it, so I'm pleased with the outcome. I ended up with 11 half pint jars, so that should do well for gift giving this year, and I may bring some for Thanksgiving next week.

Slowly but surely, I'm using up what I have in the apartment. Made some vegetarian lasagna this weekend, using up the few lasagna noodles and the frozen breaded eggplant I had. Part of me thinks that the fact I have to buy more in order to complete the dishes I'm making is a bit counterproductive, but I guess I'd typically have to go grocery shopping anyway, so whatever. The lasagna was amazing, by the way. I used some sundried tomatoes and these great olives I have... I had planned on using some artichoke hearts I've got in the fridge too, but I forgot. I guess those will have to go in salads or something. This weekend I also made the turnip, parsnip and carrot dish that I love, which used half the homemade chicken stock I have in the freezer. I made myself throw out the veggie scraps I had in the freezer, along with some fish that had some serious freezer burn. I'm not going to make stock again in the next month, especially since I won't even be home for most of next week.

Most of my holiday shopping is complete, just a few odds and ends to pick up and a lot of organization to do. At this point, I think I may only have one more box to send down to El Salvador. I may have another to send after Christmas, as I am guessing La Hija is going to get a bunch of toys... especially since I bought her some this weekend. I took her to the toy store and we roamed around and I bought her some of the things she went nutso over... she was content with only opening the Yo Gabba Gabba figures, and she's been obsessed with them ever since. She's requested that we watch the show constantly, which means I have to play the same two On Demand episodes over and over and over. Thankfully, she's consented to watch Jack's Big Music Show (which I love) a couple of times and I've snuck in an episode or two of Blues Clues, The Backyardigans and Dora, so I am not totally insane... yet.

I booked the rental truck for the move as well. Of course they always tell you that you're not guaranteed a truck, which flips me out, but I'll deal with whatever comes up. If I have to drive an hour to pick something up, I will.

The next big task at hand is to correct all the papers I have in my possession before class on Tuesday so I don't have anything pressing over Thanksgiving. We're heading up to Michigan and as much as I'd like to pretend I'll get something done while I'm up there, I know better. Most of our time will be spent relaxing and visiting with family. My aunt has arranged for La Hija to get a ton of photos taken, so she'll get to play dressup one day too--we'll see if she cooperates!

Anywho, I guess I should go to sleep. Must wake up early tomorrow and get some work done.

Things are coming together...

I had to take a break from the blogosphere for a while... all the politics were beginning to wear down on my delicate sensibilities. I get really emotional about some things, and the state of the world that we live in is definitely one of them. Discord hurts me more than it should. I can deal with conflict and certainly love a good debate, but when there is hatred involved I don't do well.

Anyway, I'm glad the intensity has turned down a bit. Now I just need to stop reading things I know will rile me up, like Internet commentary on the election results. I am appalled at the lack of basic respect people can have for each other. Seriously.

So things are smoothing out with the move, slowly but surely. Mi Amor got us a new house in the city I wanted to live in!! It's got 4 bedrooms, 3 of which have bathrooms, which is excellent since we will have some of his friends/employees living with us for the time being. I have mixed feelings about it but got used to living with people during my college years so I can learn to deal with it again, I hope. The main thing I require (and I've said this) is that there are established boundaries and that we have some private space. Of course, Mi Amor has thought about this and actually laughed when I brought it up. "You're my wife! Of course we are going to have some privacy!!" he said. We'll deal with it as it comes. Right now, the most important things to me are that we are together and that we are saving money in every way possible. I don't want to rent forever.

My mom is coming for a short visit on Monday, which is very cool. There was a questions of whether or not she'd come down and I was very upset by that. She lives in The Netherlands at present and I was having a really hard time with the thought that she would be an 8 hr drive away for 10 days but wouldn't come to see me... especially since it was my birthday a few days ago and I was feeling that ache of loneliness that always seems to rear its ugly head around special occasions.

Basically, I moved to this small Indiana city (town) to be closer to my mom but her husband got a European job transfer a year ago. So, for about a year now I've been pretty isolated and without any sort of family support--my nearest family member is a 4 1/2 hr drive away. My parents have some friends who would help me in an emergency, and I have made a few very close friends here, but they are few and far between. It has been a serious lesson in self-sufficiency and I have learned what I am made of.

So tomorrow I am packing more and putting some stuff together which I hope to talk my mom into bringing back to Michigan for me. I really need some more space in this little hole of an apartment. It's getting a bit too crowded in here for me!

The Countdown Continues!

Well, 2 months and 5 days from now I will be living in El Salvador!!

Sometimes I can't believe there's actually an end in sight for this 2 year ordeal. It's been such a struggle. Such a long road. I may only be (almost) 32, but I have the gray hairs to prove it (although few people realize this as the woman who does my hair is spectacular at her job!!).

I sent another box out today. It's kind of ridiculous how much this is costing, but if I keep reminding myself that it pales in comparison to the total cost of an international move, it feels a bit less horrendous.

It's cooled off enough around here to make me feel comfortable with the idea of packing up our summer clothes (both in suitcases and to ship) and relying solely on our warm clothes. Yes, it will add to the boxes piling up in the front of the apartment, but I've resigned myself to the fact we'll be living that way for now.

I just talked with Mi Amor. He is working... on the beach! He works so hard and I'm so proud of him. He's almost finished another cart which means he'll have part number 2 of business number 2 up and going either next week or the week after. Part of me worries he'll be working too much for us to spend time together, but I also realize that my nerves are searching for just about anything at this point to worry about.

I need to take a nap. I've been fighting this upper respiratory infection for weeks now and am still coughing up a storm, as is La Hija. Seeing as the apartment is quiet at present (it's nap time for La Hija too) I should take advantage of this chance at rest and snooze. I can't afford to keep this sickness hanging on for any longer.

Family on my mind

Boxes. Boxes. Boxes.

They pile up, taking over the room square inch by square inch. Their presence is a tangible reminder of our upcoming journey and a symbol of how this move is taking over my mind.

I find myself wishing I was less excited to leave, more so for the sake of my family members in the U.S. Many of them have made it obvious that they'd like this move to be temporary. They are disappointed when I say I refuse to move down there, uprooting everything, with the "just for a little while" mindset. No matter how many times I say it, someone always asks when we will work on coming back. What would the point of leaving be, if I am going to plan my return before I've even left?

Sometimes I want to scream at them for making this more difficult for me than it already is. I appreciate the input and value their opinions but would prefer their love and support. I have worried about more than they could ever imagine, mentally played out terrifying (and incredibly unlikely) scenarios, and played the "what-if?" game until my nerves screamed with anxiety. I struggle with my need to let go and my hunger for control on a daily basis and have done so my entire life. Moving to a new country, especially when I'm unable to have everything spelled out to me in advance, is difficult enough without having to deal with family members and their fears of the unknown. They mean well and have every right to express what they feel, I just wish they would give me a bit of credit and realize that we've been planning this move for two years. It's a long time coming--it's not something we're just jumping into.

Three months from today I will be living in El Salvador. It's about damn time.

Mis preocupaciones

There are any number of things that cause little bouts of anxiety to well up inside of me on a daily basis, it seems. It's not overwhelming as of yet, but I've still got a little less than 4 months before we depart. Here are some of my most frequent and intense concerns:

• Feeling isolated: we have no shortage of family in El Salvador, and I truly enjoy being around all of them. So what am I worried about then? On every trip down there so far I have experienced a very distinct feeling of isolation because my Spanish skills aren't that wonderful. I understand most of what is said to me, but it takes effort. I can speak on a very basic level (often with the help of El Capitán) and can get past my self-consciousness enough to do so on occasion. My main issue is that I find myself totally tuning everything out around me when in public. It's almost as if I don't bother even trying to listen to my surroundings because I know I will have to concentrate to understand anything—and oh boy! my level of excitement when my ears pick up on English in public is incalculable! I know this will go away given time and an increased exposure to both hearing and speaking Spanish, but I know I will be feeling isolated enough having moved out of the only country I've ever lived in—I know this aspect of the transition will likely be one of the most difficult.
  
• Immigration red tape: I have been told and read many different things about what will be required of me as far as documentation is concerned. I have read that I need to get translations done at the ES consulate, but the consulate tells me they don't do translations. I've read that I should have apostilled documents, but I've been told (by the immigration officials in San Salvador via El Capitán) that we can't do anything until I get there and that we can't apply for residency for me until I've lived there for 6 months anyway. As of right now, I'm going to do the basics: get my birth cert and a police record apostilled, bring my diplomas down for translation (since I live in the middle of nowhere and don't know where I can get a translation done), and hopefully my mom (who I will have given Power of Attorney) can help with anything that may come up. The woman I spoke with at the consulate in Chicago told me that I should be able to get my tourist visa extended as needed until we can take care of what we need to take care of. I'm going to keep working on this one slowly but surely, but I have a sneaking suspicion this will bother me for quite a while.
  
• Logistics of ending a semester/moving/dealing with the holidays, etc.: it's a lot to deal with all at once. I'm feeling pressured by family obligations (and the desire to spend as much time as I can with everyone) and the need to take care of business. Honestly, I'll be happy when we're on the plane since that part will be over.
  
• Not knowing what I'll be doing for work: right now I know that I will have no problem working for an ok (yet small by US standards) wage at a language school. I've been told how much (little) I'll get paid and I can basically dictate my own hours. That's wonderful. There is a possibility that I will be able to continue to teach for the college where I'm currently teaching by taking some online classes. I've also proposed an online tutoring program that my Dept. Head is trying to push through ASAP. That has the possibility to greatly help with our income, and internet is something that I've already said is a requirement once we arrive J. There is also a possibility that I will be able to do some graphic design work for my other current job even after we relocate. My main concern with this is finding ways to make sure that classes are covered and work can get done if the internet goes out. We're going to have to figure out how to make it work.
  
• Money: although everything is pointing to us being fine financially, the very existence of the "Not knowing what I'll be doing for work" is cause for this worry. Until the details of Salvadoran life are ironed out for me, this will be constantly on my mind.
  
• Our living situation: at present, El Capitán is living in a beautiful home that I would very much love to return to. The problem is we eventually would like to move to a different city. In fact, at some point we will have to move to a different city because La Hija will eventually be going to school and we've already decided she'll be attending one of the private, bilingual schools in the country. We are both torn about when to try to relocate. Additionally, if I am to start working right away, we're going to have to move ASAP as a 45 min daily commute doesn't make sense with gas prices the way they are right now.
  

Ultimately, all of these things will work themselves out. This move is a lesson in patience and in trusting in the fact that everything always works out. I mean, we've made it this far—almost 2 years of having to live as a family even when thousands of miles apart all while trying to figure out how to bring our family back together—and if we can get through something like that, we made it through most of the battle, haven't we?