Things are coming together...

I had to take a break from the blogosphere for a while... all the politics were beginning to wear down on my delicate sensibilities. I get really emotional about some things, and the state of the world that we live in is definitely one of them. Discord hurts me more than it should. I can deal with conflict and certainly love a good debate, but when there is hatred involved I don't do well.

Anyway, I'm glad the intensity has turned down a bit. Now I just need to stop reading things I know will rile me up, like Internet commentary on the election results. I am appalled at the lack of basic respect people can have for each other. Seriously.

So things are smoothing out with the move, slowly but surely. Mi Amor got us a new house in the city I wanted to live in!! It's got 4 bedrooms, 3 of which have bathrooms, which is excellent since we will have some of his friends/employees living with us for the time being. I have mixed feelings about it but got used to living with people during my college years so I can learn to deal with it again, I hope. The main thing I require (and I've said this) is that there are established boundaries and that we have some private space. Of course, Mi Amor has thought about this and actually laughed when I brought it up. "You're my wife! Of course we are going to have some privacy!!" he said. We'll deal with it as it comes. Right now, the most important things to me are that we are together and that we are saving money in every way possible. I don't want to rent forever.

My mom is coming for a short visit on Monday, which is very cool. There was a questions of whether or not she'd come down and I was very upset by that. She lives in The Netherlands at present and I was having a really hard time with the thought that she would be an 8 hr drive away for 10 days but wouldn't come to see me... especially since it was my birthday a few days ago and I was feeling that ache of loneliness that always seems to rear its ugly head around special occasions.

Basically, I moved to this small Indiana city (town) to be closer to my mom but her husband got a European job transfer a year ago. So, for about a year now I've been pretty isolated and without any sort of family support--my nearest family member is a 4 1/2 hr drive away. My parents have some friends who would help me in an emergency, and I have made a few very close friends here, but they are few and far between. It has been a serious lesson in self-sufficiency and I have learned what I am made of.

So tomorrow I am packing more and putting some stuff together which I hope to talk my mom into bringing back to Michigan for me. I really need some more space in this little hole of an apartment. It's getting a bit too crowded in here for me!

I'm going to have to bury my head in the sand soon...

I don't know how much more of this I can take. The more I pay attention to what people are saying around me (such as, "with all these illegals voting, who knows if we can have a fair election" and "if Obama wins, it's just because of all the illegals" and other nonsense... like claiming this is going to be the "first racist election in history because of all the 1st time black voters"), the more I seriously want to fight people. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I may look mean, what with all the tattoos and my perpetual scowl, but I'm really a pacifist... but these people make me want to punch them in the head to attempt to knock some sense into them.

I really had to control myself today... especially because this lady complaining about "those illegals voting" was standing behind me in the early voting line. Seeing that I was visibly shaken by this woman's comments (and plotting how I could correct her ignoramus comment without punctuating it with a right hook), this lovely older woman in front of me started talking with me about how she remembered her grandmother talking about how everyone used to be "racist against the Irish too" and we agreed that immigrant populations always seem to face bigots in this country. I made a few comments about how my husband is Latino and we've experienced a lot of racism here (among other things). Needless to say, Little Ms. "Oh My God! Illegals Are Going To Elect A Black Man!!" refrained from speaking to me for the rest of our wait. Thank god!

I'm going to have to take a break from politics now that I've done my civic duty and gotten my vote on. I'll leave the rest of my anxiety for election night.

Why am I always disappointed?

Why am I always disappointed, even when I am not surprised? Over the past few months, I've had a number of political conversations that swing around to the topic of fear for Obama's welfare and safety. He's been under the watchful eye of the Secret Service for quite some time, but that does not quell people's fears but it can sometimes make folks a bit more comfortable or confident...

...and then you see things like this and the worry festers like a gangrenous wound.

Change is a Threat...

...and boy does it bring out the ugly in the world.

As if Obama's popularity in the polls didn't cause enough of the American racists out there to tear off their PC muzzles and begin spewing their rhetoric of ignorance and hate for the whole world to see... as if the possibility of "One of Them" in power wasn't spurring enough of an upsurge of frightening public (re)actions... the sickness seems to be spreading worldwide.

Evidently, it's not even safe to wear an Obama t-shirt these days--even in the UK.

I've Tried...

I have tried so hard to keep politics out of my writings here. I really wanted to attempt to focus solely on my move and the whole experience of relocating to a foreign country, and I was almost certain I could do it.

Honestly, I should have known better.

As much as I try to remove myself from it, my mind and heart still goes there. My beliefs are strong and I don't suppress my emotions well, nor should I have to. It seems I'd just imagined this blog differently and wanted to somehow unnaturally compartmentalize myself. Emotions here. Business there. Creativity somewhere else. The disturbing inner workings of my fragmented psyche in yet another, more anonymous locale. I don't think it works that way for me, though, so I will just have to allow this blog to be what it will be.

So, a good friend of mine sent me this video today and I am horrified. The thought that these people are shown as anywhere near representative of the Everyday American is appalling, and the reality that their sentiments may be more common than I'd like to think is both disheartening and downright terrifying.

It breaks my heart and frustrates me to no end that there are people in this world who are so comfortable and content in their feelings of hatred and fear. I want to take these people, shake them violently and say Why do you cling to your fear like a life jacket? Are you happy? Do you feel safe in your ignorance? What the hell is so threatening about difference anyway?? What ever happened to that idea you have about that God of yours creating everyone in "His image", huh?? How does that only apply to people who share your light skin tone? And who the hell are you to impose your unwarrantedly elitist, antiquated, unenlightened, racist ideologies upon me?

And so it goes.

More later on other things political--as I have a lot to say and I'm sort of on a roll.